Fun and Games With Cold Callers

[clovehitched]

So I'm in the bathroom, doing ... bathroom stuff, and the landline rings.

Now pretty much everyone knows that if they want to call me, they should call my mobile. Indeed, hardly anyone has my landline number, and it's usually only only either my mother or Sylvia's mother, both of whom seem to have this strange and quaint attraction to 19th century technology.

At this time of day, it's far more likely to be someone trying to sell me new double glazing (telling them I'm in a conservation area and must have wooden sash windows, and that my house is only 7 years old, and no, they really don't need replacing usually breaks them a bit, even though this is all completely true), so I make no hurry to finish what I'm doing.

The phone keeps ringing though, and it's still ringing when I come out, so I pick it up.

Me: Hello?
Phone: .... peep ....
Me: Hello?
Phone: .............. peep ....
Me: Heeeeeeeeelo?
Phone: peep .................

This is clearly one of those call centres that dials loads of numbers and hangs up excess ones if there's no operator available. I hang up. A few seconds later, I pick up the phone again:

Phone: .... peep ....

So I hang up again, and wait, and wait, and pick up the phone again:

Phone: .... peep ....
Me: launches iTunes on laptop
Me: Finds some Nightwish, puts the phone next to the speaker, and hits, "play"
Laptop: Faster! A dentist! Hard porn! Seven seagulls! Wario! This eyeball! In me, the fishmaster! (or something like that, anyway)

This continues for a minute or so:

Laptop: Feeeeeshmaster ohhhhhh, eeeeeeeeeow wheeeeeeeooooeeeeee, oooooo ahhhhhh!
Me: Puts phone to ear
Voice on phone: Hello?

I hang up, feeling like a naughty child and barely able to contain my sniggering. They're gone now.

Comments

[zoefruitcake.livejournal.com]

ha!

[jessie-c.livejournal.com]

If enough people were to put telespammers on hold they'd soon run out of outgoing lines from their call centre and then not be able to bother anyone.

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

We're ex directory and signed up to the telephone preference service and guess what? No cold calls.........:o)

[woodpijn.livejournal.com]

We have no landline and guess what? No cold calls :)

Parents can adapt to 21st century technology if you give them no choice.

[vashti.livejournal.com]

Me too, both, and I still get them. Usually they're automated and American and spam my (old - it has a tape) answerphone.

I am very tempted to junk my landline, all I ever get on it is parents and spam.

[bloodbeauty.livejournal.com]

i work in one of those call centers -_-

i wish someone would put music on for me, we just get people being angry...get at least a dozen people per shift who are TPS...doesn't always stop the calls.

ah well, i need the money

[cmcmck.livejournal.com]

TPS doesn't always stop the calls, true, because people don't report the firms persisting in calling (I do) but it stops the overwhelming majority. Stating ex directory worries any that do get through as they shouldn't have the number in the first place......

'Fraid I get really cranky about junk mail and spam calls :o)

[auntysarah.livejournal.com]

I'm ex-directory, but not TPS. Cuts them right down, but doesn't eliminate them.

One day I'm going to reply to one of those, "your postcode has been selected" spiels with, "And what do you have my postcode down as?"

[nicollegurrl.livejournal.com]

:D

That is great!

[knirirr.livejournal.com]

I have always fancied getting chance to use this (http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html), but have never managed it.

[julieisfree.livejournal.com]

Today's caller:

Brrring!!!

Me: Hello?
Caller: Hi.. this is NN NN from Brinks Home Security.. how are you today?
Me: Very secure.. and you?

In retrospect, I perhaps should have responded "Very insecure".. and launched into a whiney insecure diatribe about how my hair looks today.. and did they think it looked ok, did they think it would be ok not to fix it.. and what about my makeup.... so on.. and so on.. and so on...

[vashti.livejournal.com]

Ooh, Nightwish. Is that "Wishmaster"?

I wish I could do something like that for email.

[calamarain.livejournal.com]

Evil but fun.

[elbeno.livejournal.com]

We don't get much cold call telemarketing, but we do (of course) get calls from businesses we have an existing arrangement with. The most annoying thing is the followup "customer service" calls after you've had the cable service fixed or the car serviced. Around here they call back until you give in and talk to them, and they always ask how you would rate the service. If you ever give less than 10/10 they ask why. The other day I gave 7/10 and the girl on the end almost choked asking why it was "so low".

I suppose what I really thought was: having to deal with any of this stuff at all is a necessary evil and just gets in the way of me getting on with the important and fun things in my life, so count yourself lucky I even gave you 7. I don't care about your customer service metrics, just do your job and get out of my life. And while we're at it, wouldn't 5 be "average satisfaction" anyway?

What I actually said was: last time the service was faster.

See, the process of giving feedback is also in the "necessary evil" bucket. Only it's not so necessary.

[nixwilliams.livejournal.com]

\o/ WIN!