Sometimes I Feel so Tired

[clovehitched]

I am weary

I am weary because too many trans people have to wait 2-3 years after seeing their doctor in desperation before they receive medication which helps, and which costs pennies.

I am weary because too many of them will never even get a referral, due to trusting people who let their own prejudice fail their patients.

I am weary of Primary Care Trusts perpetually treating trans people as low priority, or in some cases flagrantly disregarding our humanity and the law.

I am weary that those who do this are almost certain to face no consequences because they know that trans people are a soft target.

I am weary because trans people must face a process that often seems to be designed like an obstacle course, aimed at preventing the deluded from transitioning, and which allows us through as a side effect.

I am weary because those who genuinely want to help are few and far between, and are themselves subject to the same frustrating constraints.

I am weary because even when we make it out the other end, everything we have can be taken away from us in an instant, when someone decides we are "really" our assigned-at-birth gender.

I am weary because all of this simply reflect a society that mostly sees us as comic relief, dangerous sexual perverts, disposable or merely pathetic.

I am weary because the very people who might be expected to help all too often use trans people as scapegoats for their own failings instead.

I am weary because it sometimes feels like our medical history and bodies are public property.

I am weary because to try and shout about the injustice of this is to invite condescension and dismissal.

I am weary because those who tell us we can't expect society to change right away would likely not accept a tenth of this if it applied to them.

I am weary because it feels like none of this will ever change sometimes.

But I know that I currently feel much of this because I have a virus thing, and well, that just makes me weary, and I know that in a few days I'll feel better, and I'll be thankful that I'm one of the lucky ones, that I managed to hold on to my life and my social status, and am in an environment that insulates me from much of the crap I might otherwise face, and that it could be much worse.

Anyway, this is absolutely not a play for sympathy. I am aware of how immensely privileged I am, but I'm still allowed to feel a bit sorry for myself occasionally, and writing this down helps me feel better, so there.

Also posted at http://auntysarah.dreamwidth.org/244499.html - you can comment here or there.