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Not At All Taxing
Dec. 7th, 2009 11:38 amSo I'm slightly concerned that I haven't heard anything since my tax return was submitted. In previous years it's been submitted online, but I can't do that any more because my taxes are now handled by Her Majesty's Customs and Revenue, Public Department One who, as I understand it, look after taxes for members of the armed forces (which I am not), people in the witness protection programme (which I am not) ... and me*, because I'm worth it.
Anyway, my tax return this year was complicated because I wound up my company in the previous year, and my accountant had to do all sorts of weird stuff that I don't entirely understand to calculate my tax bill, and there's been a postal strike, and I'm fretting that they either haven't received it, or are convinced that due to it being the most complex tax return I've ever submitted, combined with my taxes now being handled by the same people who do James Bond's, that it's secretly flagged me as some evil terrorist money launderer and I'm about to end up in prison for tax evasion aggravated with nuclear proliferation or something (my mind works in odd ways sometimes).
So I look up Public Department One on Google, and they don't seem to have a website. Eventually I find what seems to be their number, so I call it and a nice lady answers. "Customs and Revenue. How can we help you?"
I resist the urge to answer, "In ways that don't involve latex gloves, hopefully", and explain that I just want to check that they've received my tax return because they haven't sent me a bill or anything. She asks for my name and National Insurance number, I supply them.
"OK, just let me receive your details"
*tappety tap*
*wait*
*intake of breath*
"Ah, er, I think you've, er, come through to the wrong extension. Please wait while I transfer you."
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, a latex glove snaps back into place as it's released from the hand of a large hairy man called Igor.
Now a man with a lovely lyrical Welsh accent answers, "PD1, how can I help?"
I repeat that I just want to check if they've received my tax return, because there's been a postal strike and stuff, ha ha, please don't hurt me.
"No problem Miss Brown, let me just look."
He knows my name, and my National Insurance number already - these guys aren't like other public bodies; they have IT that works. Never mess with public bodies who have more power than deities and are competent.
"Yes, we received that in November, you should be hearing from us in a couple of weeks. Is there anything else I can help with?"
I say that there isn't, and thank him for his help. After all that fretting he was a very nice man who did not sound like he pressed any buttons marked, "dispatch ninjas to subject's house immediately, also, prepare the shark tank" while on the phone to me...
...which is nice.
* May also include anyone else with a Gender Recognition Certificate. Trans people may contain traces of nuts.
Originally posted at http://auntysarah.dreamwidth.org/217176.html - you can comment here or there.
Anyway, my tax return this year was complicated because I wound up my company in the previous year, and my accountant had to do all sorts of weird stuff that I don't entirely understand to calculate my tax bill, and there's been a postal strike, and I'm fretting that they either haven't received it, or are convinced that due to it being the most complex tax return I've ever submitted, combined with my taxes now being handled by the same people who do James Bond's, that it's secretly flagged me as some evil terrorist money launderer and I'm about to end up in prison for tax evasion aggravated with nuclear proliferation or something (my mind works in odd ways sometimes).
So I look up Public Department One on Google, and they don't seem to have a website. Eventually I find what seems to be their number, so I call it and a nice lady answers. "Customs and Revenue. How can we help you?"
I resist the urge to answer, "In ways that don't involve latex gloves, hopefully", and explain that I just want to check that they've received my tax return because they haven't sent me a bill or anything. She asks for my name and National Insurance number, I supply them.
"OK, just let me receive your details"
*tappety tap*
*wait*
*intake of breath*
"Ah, er, I think you've, er, come through to the wrong extension. Please wait while I transfer you."
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, a latex glove snaps back into place as it's released from the hand of a large hairy man called Igor.
Now a man with a lovely lyrical Welsh accent answers, "PD1, how can I help?"
I repeat that I just want to check if they've received my tax return, because there's been a postal strike and stuff, ha ha, please don't hurt me.
"No problem Miss Brown, let me just look."
He knows my name, and my National Insurance number already - these guys aren't like other public bodies; they have IT that works. Never mess with public bodies who have more power than deities and are competent.
"Yes, we received that in November, you should be hearing from us in a couple of weeks. Is there anything else I can help with?"
I say that there isn't, and thank him for his help. After all that fretting he was a very nice man who did not sound like he pressed any buttons marked, "dispatch ninjas to subject's house immediately, also, prepare the shark tank" while on the phone to me...
...which is nice.
* May also include anyone else with a Gender Recognition Certificate. Trans people may contain traces of nuts.
Originally posted at http://auntysarah.dreamwidth.org/217176.html - you can comment here or there.
